I don't normally watch Leno--because Letterman is funnier--but I caught Jay's monologue tonight and he had joke featuring San Luis Obispo. I always get a kick out of hearing about little ol' SLO town way over here on the other side of the continent. Apparently, SLO town has recently passed a law allowing librarians to eject smelly patrons. I don't know any of the details of this new law, but I assume it's to keep those pesky homeless people from reading or checking out the classifieds--we wouldn't want that.


Blogger Amie Barnett  said...

I bet you a dollar I know exactly the person they had in mind when they drafted that law. We call him Stinky Santa because he has a white beard and he smelles like moldy, creamy cheese. I encountered him way too many times while working at Barnes & Noble, just three blocks from the library, and home to many of the homeless. He used to hang out in the bargain section and in the children's section and strike up conversations with people. It was often entertaining for the employees to watch as customers winced as he walked by. Sometimes people would pretend they didn't notice a thing. And at other times, people would gather up their children and hurry out of the store. When I was at the height of my crazyness, a thought was instilled in me that I should be kind to everyone. So, I started striking up conversations with Stinky Santa. It took all I had not to run in the other direction for a breath of fresh air. He was a nice man, though he turned out to be crazier than I was. It was like talking to a big, giant very smelly kid.
Years before him, we had a customer we called "The Stinky Cheese Man." His glasses were so dirty we were surprised he could see through them. Then, one day he just disappeared. After him came "Captain Poopy Pants." We were a haven for all of them. But try as we did, corporate wouldn't let us throw them out. EVERYONE is welcomed at Barnes & Noble, unless they expose themselves — been there — or look down women's blouses — done that — or threaten to go home and get a gun. He didn't actually go home for the gun, so he talked his way back into the store.
I know it doesn't seem right to deprive people of access to a public library, but the collection of books at Barnes & Noble is better, and there's always a spare newspaper. The main attraction at the library isn't the books, by the way, but the bathroom. The city has a larger bathroom budget than the bookstore. The employees at Barnes & Noble used their break time to walk over to the Metro Café. Their bathroom was a very well kept secret. Also, the soft comfy chairs that most Barnes & Noble stores feature were replaced with wooden chairs in an effort to improve the smell. Also, a man wearing a kilt complained that he had acquired crabs or some such thing from one of the chairs. When it was inspected, it had to be removed. Let's just say there were a lot of bugs in the chair. So, it's not just the smell.
There was also the girl who dyed here white cat blue in the bathroom, but I think that's another topic.

Friday, March 11, 2005  

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